Posted in Short Story

FIGMENT

I don’t quite really remember the exact date when Sporsho and I met. All I know is that he took my breath away in the most cliche of all ways possible; he smiled at me and that was a deal maker. We’d talk all day and everyday. Talking to him felt normal as if I were talking to myself. His words had this fluidity which was soothing and made sense even on days when nothing made any sense at all. And his smile; how do I describe something so genuine and so warm in mere words? If you had not seen that smile, so enticingly radiant, then you have missed something truly beautiful. To know that I was the reason behind his smile was like being on Cloud 9. His eyes held this understanding look which drew me near him each time. To get to be near such a person like Sporsho was beyond my thoughts but he chose me; of all the girls he could be with, he chose me. 
Before long, Sporsho and I started hanging out a lot. I’d take him everywhere with me. We’d joke about little things and throw in a dash of sarcasm only we, ourselves, understood. My friends would never understand my references from books I have read or movies I have watched but Sporsho understood them without  a shred of difficulty. We were a mixture of likeness and difference in a goblet of our own fermented beings. We had almost the same taste in food except that he loved spicy dishes and I liked mine just normal. Sometimes we even went out on coffee dates where I would order something new each time and he laughed at my queer taste while ordering a simple black coffee for himself. On some nights when I was craving warmth and his light touches on my skin, I would text Sporsho to come to my house. Those nights were spent with me nestled between his arms, my body covered in his embrace and his head resting beside mine. He would kiss me on my shoulder and play with my hair until I fell asleep. Those nights were beautiful. He made me feel warm and protected.
Even though I can’t recall the date of our meeting, I can say that Sporsho and I met at a time when I was at a very dark point in my life. I was suicidal and withdrawn. Nothing made me feel secure anymore. I was an alien in my own skin trying to find out why I existed. All my reasons to be alive were stripped away one by one. My parents hated me, deep down I knew they had hated me from the time I was born. I was failing my exams because I was too depressed to concentrate. I was skipping meals and when I wasn’t crying, I was cutting my arms with shards of broken bangles. I was a mess who was contemplating death every second and wished that everything was over already. And that is when Sporsho came into my life. He smiled at me and may be I smiled back at him too; my first genuine smile in 3 years. 
Slowly, he talked me out of my depression. Slowly, he lulled me to sleep and I didn’t dream of deaths or drowning anymore. I didn’t wake up crying each night. I was wrapped in his warmth and I felt safe. This relationship with him continued for a long time, I think. For some reason, the details and dates are fuzzy. All I know is meeting him made me come out of my depression. It took me about 3 years to gather the pieces of me that had been chipped away and lost to darkness but I did glue them back. I began to smile and I began to paint again and I also began go talk to people other than Sporsho. 
One fine day I told my best friend about Sporsho and how he helped me. I had cut her off while at my lowest low. She was shocked and I didn’t understand why. She kept telling me that Sporsho didn’t exist and that I was borderline crazy to think that Sporsho was so near me. I laughed at her. How can she not see the guy sitting beside me with a smile on his face and his hand wrapped around my waist? She must be crazy to think that Sporsho was a figment of my imagination. 
It was 1 pm and her mom called out “Marina accompany Adhora to the table for lunch.” I thought it was rude of Marina’s mom to not invite Sporsho for lunch too. 
 
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Posted in Thoughts

Nonetheless Happy Mother’s Day, Mom

How did it all change? How did it become so complicated? We live under the same roof but we fight constantly. We keep going at it, a never ending feud. You know I hated u; I think a part of me still does. It’s just that our situations are so complicated now. I feel confused and you sure don’t make it any easier for me. You constantly keep undermining me and pinning me onto the wall and blaming me. I’ve tried. Oh how hard I’ve tried but there is no way to untangle so many year’s rift all thrown together into this thing we call a relationship. Do I wish that it was non existent? Of course I do. I wish it every single day. I wish our relationship wasn’t as broken and messy as it is now. I wish I could openly hug you and kiss you and say you how much I love you. But here’s the thing. I do not love you. I do not know what I feel towards you. Years of conflict and hate muddled my senses. It’s like my brain tells me that I am programmed to love you but there’s this glitch which makes it hard to feel that certain feeling and since I can’t really over ride my biological programming, I can’t hate you either. I most surely do not nothing you to be honest on a certain level. We fight and throw tantrums and you accuse me of things I haven’t done and at the end of the day we still talk about stuff…the good stuff. I admit that there will never come a day when I will openly admit to you how conflicted I am about how I feel about our relationship but I guess the only thing to do is admit that this dysfunctional thing is what we are. We are not going to get past it. We crossed that threshold a long time ago, some scars don’t heal properly. But may be some scars were meant to be etched into my skin, into my heart and into my brain and some scars were meant to be etched into yours. Nonetheless Happy Mother’s Day, mom.

Posted in Poems

Whom do you want?

FOR MY BETTER HALF, WHOMEVER YOU MAY BE.

FOR MY BETTER HALF, THE PERSON WHO COMFORTS ME EVEN IN BLISS.

Whom do you want to see every time you turn your head back?

Whom do you want to hug every time you are lonely?

Whom do you want to talk to when you are at your deepest darkest?

Whom do want to share your happiness with?

Whom do want to touch with your soul?

Whom do you want to connect with on the most terrifying level?

Whom do want to trust so much that it scares you to death?

Whom do want to lie next to when you gaze at the stars?

Whom do you want your morning’s hello and night’s sweet dreams to be?

If you ask me, then each and every answer  would be : YOU.

Posted in Poems

For an Apache Helicopter

Writing brings me solace.

Stories help me acquire multiple personas.

Poetry makes me listen and feel the silent music.

Thoughts tangle and untangle within me while life comes to a mere blur.

So before I forget to live,

Take me on adventures with you.

Make me do that dare.

Drown with me under the rain.

Meet me in coffee shops.

Recommend me songs you listen on a loop.

Give me your favorite book, a piece of you I can cherish.

Let us lie together on the beach and watch the sun kiss the horizon

And the stars come up one by one to shimmer its light upon us.

Spread my words.

Hear my thoughts.

Be a part of me.

 

I am glad I met you N.K , my Helicopter!